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OLD
VERSION:
The ant
works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The
grasshopper thinks the
ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.
Come winter,
the ant is warm and well fed.
The
grasshopper has no
food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL
OF THE STORY: Be
responsible for yourself
MODERN
VERSION:
The ant works hard in the
withering heat all summer long building his house and laying up
supplies for the winter.
The
grasshopper thinks the
ant is a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.
Come winter, the shivering
grasshopper
calls a press conference and demands to know why the
ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while
others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN,
and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering
grasshopper next
to a video of the ant in
his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is
stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be that
in a country of such wealth this poor grasshopper
is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears
on Oprah with the grasshopper,
and everybody cries when they sing "It's Not Easy
Being Green".
ACORN stages a demonstration
in front of the ant's house
where the news stations film the group singing "We shall
Overcome". The Reverend Jeremiah Wright then has the group
curse God for the grasshopper's
sake.
Nancy Pelosi and Harry
Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the
ant has gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax
hike on the ant to make
him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts
the Economic Equity & Anti-grasshopper
Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The ant is fined for
failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs; and, having
nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated
by the Government Green Czar.
The story ends as we
see the grasshopper
finishing up the last bits of the
ant's food while the government house he is in, which
just happens to be the ant's
old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared
in the snow.
The
grasshopper is found
dead in a drug-related incident; and the house, now abandoned,
is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful
neighborhood.
MORAL
OF THE STORY:
Be careful how you vote in 2010.
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